Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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