it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
