its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
