please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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