my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
