How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
