I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i now understand why vodka
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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