I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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