Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
