There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
