I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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