he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
