Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
