i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
