did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
