Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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