I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
