I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize