im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
