If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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