i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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