dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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