we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
