what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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