ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
