it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
