i will never coherently bang her
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
