if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize