Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
