He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
