I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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