I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
