you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
