she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize