If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize