Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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