Nicole vs. Life
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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