I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
