I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
