nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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