I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
