he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
