so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
