just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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