Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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