i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he shaved USA in his pubs
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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