i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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