you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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