I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
