Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
