We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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