he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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