Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
