we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize