you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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