Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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