Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Be still, my beating vagina.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
