I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
