i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
