drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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