Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
