so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
