not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
