If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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