adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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