I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
