real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
