Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
