If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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