It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
