He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
