I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
