i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
