u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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