I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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