Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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