well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize