end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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