pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
