if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
