i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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