Nicole vs. Life
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize