Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
