the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
