Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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