I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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