im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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