If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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