Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
